Evanescent – South Africa: Vuvuzelas, Walkie-Talkies and Madiba Magic (Chapter 4)

Some 20 minutes later, Pauline returned, armed with several covered plates of food. None of it smelt very appetizing.

Using me as her interpreter, she explained that she’d ordered various South African delicacies and that only the most virile men can eat them. She told Sausage Guy that he could take her back to his hotel room if he ate everything she’d ordered.

The game was on.

Sausage Guy puffed up like an arrogant soccer player ready to face an inferior opponent.

“Is easy,” he said in broken English. Leering at her, he added: “I eat dis. After, I eat you.”

Pauline gave him a seductive smile and teased: “Only if you are a real man.”

She started him off slowly, offering him some pap en wors.8 That was easy enough.

Next, she offered him a Gatsby. This is a foot-long loaf of bread stuffed with slap chips,9 steak, fried eggs, salad and sauce. After the pap en wors, I could see Sausage Guy was starting to exhibit the strain, but he was determined not to admit defeat, aided no doubt by some high testosterone levels.

Dave and I helped by keeping a steady supply of beer coming his way. The Argentinean’s friends cheered him on, but their faces showed relief that Pauline hadn’t chosen them.

Next came some mogodu.10 Sausage Guy was looking a little green by this time and sweating profusely, but he ate a few mouthfuls.

He pushed the plate away. Pauline pushed it back toward him. “You must finish,” she said.

Sausage Guy continued to pick at it with tremendous effort, belching his way through.

“Now, for dessert,” smiled Pauline. A shadow of relief crossed Sausage Guy’s face. But the half-lit pub didn’t hide his extreme discomfort.

Pauline uncovered the final plate. “These are called walkie talkies,” she stated and looked at me to explain in Spanish that these are fried chicken feet prepared in a peri-peri batter.

Sausage Guy looked at me with a combination of horror and anger. He turned to Pauline, pointed a finger in her face and half-heartedly threatened her: “In bed, you pay.”

She teased him: “If you make it to bed. You have to eat 10 walkie talkies first.”

He picked up the first piece and bit into it. The crunchiness of the fried chicken feet and the heat of the peri-peri made him retch. He shook his head.

“You must eat them all,” Pauline said.

He took a second piece, bit into it, but no sooner was it in his mouth than he turned away from the plate and drunkenly tried to get up. He didn’t get far. He vomited everything we’d fed him right there on the floor.

At this point Pauline got up and poured what was left of his beer over him. She bent over him and said: “You were never man enough for me anyway.”

We gathered up our things and left Sausage Guy’s friends to take care of him. There was no doubt he would have a strong babelaas11 the next day. And hopefully he learned the lesson: South Africans (and Kenyans) can be very friendly, but don’t mess with us!

(…to be continued…)

Footnotes

8. Thick porridge made of maize meal accompanied by a typical barbecued sausage.

9. Soggy French fries.

10. Tripe stew.

11. Hangover.

Series – Evanescent

January: If Something Can Go Wrong…It Will – Jonay Quintero Hernández (Spain)

February: The Planet of Pleasure – Nane Sevunts (Armine Asryan) (Armenia)

March: Evening with Jackie Chan – Gennady Bondarenko (Ukraine)

April: Vuvuzelas, Walkie-Talkies and Madiba Magic – Sarah-Leah Pimentel (South Africa)

May: Remembering – Seyit Ali Dastan (Turkey)

June: 5-4-3-2-1 – Talia Stotts (America)

July: Getting Ready for Newborns – Marilin Guerrero Casas (Cuba)

August: Regrets – Kate Korneeva (Russia)

September: A Hollow Pursuit – Diana Haidar (Syria)

October: The Test – Alejandra Baccino (Uruguay)

November: The Writer’s Daughter – Lauren Voaden (United Kingdom)

December: Translation Perfect – Zhang Lu (China)

Special: Catching Water III – Javier Gomez (Argentina)

Background – Context

Transadaptation Volume 2: Conceived – Childhood Transadapted, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2021)

Transadaptation Volume 1: In the Middle – Prelude to a Contemporary Transadaptation, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2020)

Peripatetic Alterity: A Philosophical Treatise on the Spectrum of Being – Romantics and Pragmatists by Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)

La Syncrétion of Polarization and Extremes Transposée, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)

The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2018)

L’anthologie of Global Instability Transpuesta, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2017)

From Wahnsinnig to the Loony Bin: German and Russian Stories Transposed to Modern-day America, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2013)

Emblems and stories on the international community

Perception by country – Transposing emblems, articles, short stories and reports from around the world

Credits

Cover photo: Grahamstown, South Africa -Delicacies – MD Photography (Shutterstock)
Source: The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed

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