A Girl Pedaling
by Marilin Guerrero Casas
Life is like a roller coaster. There are rises, falls, twists, and turns we cannot always anticipar. There are people who are constantly getting on and off and there are also others who stay to enjoy the whole ride. Fortunately, I’ve been surrounded by familia and friends my entire life so I consider myself to be a very lucky persona.
Perhaps it’s the way I am, so amazingly friendly that I’m likely to fit in everywhere I go. I can easily adaptar to any environment, situación, and even people – which sometimes works in my favor. I’m always seeking a way through when that seems imposible for others. And the truth is that I believe – no matter the hardships I have faced along the way. Because we cannot escapar problemas, we are doomed to fall at times; there are battles we are forced to fight; there are failures we are designed to learn from and sometimes there’s no other alternative than to start over. I remember someone telling me once that “no one starts off being excelente.’’ So in the end, the roller coaster will rise again, and this time the ride could be even more enjoyable.
So far, my ride has been pretty interesante. I’m thrilled by the many people who keep arriving and making a big impacto on my life. Every time I start afresh somewhere I’m easily liked. But work is definitely something new for me and my girlfriends who recently graduated from college and all became profesionales. For some of them the change is going to be very dramatic because somehow they are not used to making a living by working. We were always the bebés in our familias, some with better incomes than others, but all spoiled in our own way. As for me, it was clear from the very beginning that my parents couldn’t afford all the things I needed or wanted. That’s why I started to earn some money when I was still in college and somehow I enjoyed that kind of independencia económica. It’s something my girlfriends haven’t experienced yet. Anyway, expectativas are really high in the workplace. A new period has begun for us, although we are all aware of the poor salario we will receive. I know it’s going to be hard for us and for once, we are going to be in our parent’s shoes and understand their wise mensajes about saving money. I never had a clue before and neither did my friends.
Regardless, I feel happy because I’m going to work as a traductora in the only Convention Center that Camaguey has. Camaguey is not one of the most famosa cities in my country but there are many atracciones and valuable facts that make it worth visiting. Yet, I’m pretty sure I will never earn as much money as other traductores worldwide. Profesionales Cubanos are aware of the significant diferencias between us and other countries when it comes to salario and still we are eager to estudiar and be the best profesionales possible. That’s why working and not making the kind of money I want is not considered to be something bad as long as I’m doing something I enjoy. That’s what I keep repeating to myself: “Pat, it’s not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that creates happiness.” That is my filosofía of life.
* * *
My girlfriends Liz, Jess and Carol are also keen to start working. Liz is an arquitecta. Jess is a sicóloga and Carol is a doctora. They all have personalidades diferentes but they are pretty smart indeed and there’s definitely something especial about them. I am a dreamer by nature. My girlfriends are more pragmáticas of course, especialmente when it comes to love issues.
I can say Liz is the most skeptical of all. It’s very difícil for guys to get to know her. She is a discípula of tough love indeed. Guys really have to resort to their imaginación if they want to flirt with her, which turns out to be an incredible feat. And once they think they have made some progreso, she says something like “I’m not ready for a relationship.” I think she really enjoys being single.
Jess is more sensitive. Love isn’t a mere word to her, though she sometimes claims the opposite. Her first real boyfriend was about to marry her. But then she found out he wasn’t so especial after all and he turned out to be a total jerk. So, I can say she’s in the middle of a psychological war between what she is willing to do and what she really believes in. I think we all have been there once in our lives.
And Carol….hhhmmmm…..It’s very difícil for me to describe her. She is a complicada girl, of that I’m sure. Carol is the kind of persona that writes a love poema, something she does amazingly well by the way. I think it is a gift she inherited from her mother. But then there’s this side of her that is so práctico it mixes your head up a little bit. And the fact that she’s always right about everything, keeps blowing me away. So I can say she’s a combinación of romance and wisdom.
And then there’s me. I’m the kind of girl who thinks “the greatest gift in life is to love and be loved in return,” a frase famosa I can’t forget from the filme Moulin Rouge. But that’s the way I feel about love. So a lot of people tell me I’m not práctica at all, that I’m rather sentimental. And perhaps they are right. Clearly it is easier for guys to strike up a conversación with me because I’m a very cheerful persona. I am always laughing at everybody’s jokes and it is likely that guys feel at ease around me. Yet, I cannot say that it is simple to make me fall in love. Just like my girlfriends, I have created this inner barrera to protect myself from being hurt. I don’t trust guys from the very start. They can approach me but I don’t let them get into my heart until I’m sure they are worth trying. I think that is something my girlfriends and I have in común. We have been deceived so many times in the past that we are very careful about falling for someone. And if, by any chance, we are mistaken about our choices, we are there to support each other and pick up our broken pieces. It’s certainly a privilegio to count on that kind of emocional comfort.
* * *
Having said that, you may realize it’s very difícil for me to be in a relationship where the guy has commitment issues. And that’s exactamente what I’m involved in right now. I’ve been dating this guy for a year and it was very claro to me from the beginning that he was quite diferente from the guys I used to date. But then I told myself: ‘’Pat, diferente is good’’ and here I am, dealing irónicamente with our diferencias. What I first liked about Tony was his determinación and madurez and it kind of surprised me coming from someone so young. We were studying together when we started to go out. I found out he had a kid and I can’t deny I was scared at first, but then I got to know him better and somehow he managed to get what he wanted: me. He also has this sense of humor combined with some arrogancia that makes it imposible for women to resist.
To sum up, just a bit of creatividad was required to get me involved. Oh, I forgot to mention his powerfully perfect green eyes. The thing is that, like every relationship, at first we were happy together. We went out with my friends every time they came up with a party idea. We had great sexo. We laughed a lot at each other’s jokes. We spent hours talking about ourselves, our experiencias pasadas and fears, our planes futuros, our emotional landscapes. Most of the time, we studied and worked together. When his son was around, we both played with him and had fun in each other’s company. To summarize, we shared momentos increíbles together despite our diferencias.
Yet it’s been a year and my needs have changed. I no longer want to live with my parents. And it may sound crazy coming from someone who just started to work and whose salario is not enough for making big plans. But the truth is that I want to live alone. I’m just tired of not having the kind of privacidad I need. He also lives with his madre so I thought that I wasn’t so out of my mind after all. I know I can’t buy a house right now and it’s going to be many more years before I can save that kind of money. So, a possible solución might be renting a place that of course we can both afford. I think I can teach English as a part time job and work as a traductora in this institución gubernamental. One thing language profesionales have in their favor is the ability to work in áreas diferentes. During my major, I was trained to perform as a traductora or as a language teacher. Therefore, freelance teaching is a good job oportunidad indeed.
When I was in college, I was asked to teach students from the same universidad as part of our internship programa and I kind of enjoyed the experiencia. So, I know moving out is going to be a big step in our relationship but it’s definitely something we can do together as a couple. My girlfriends tell me I shouldn’t hope for it and perhaps they are seeing something that I am clearly missing here. I just know he keeps saying, “I’m not ready for that kind of change.”
Carol has also been involved in a relationship for more than a year, a very complicada one, I can tell you. Jim lives in the United States so it’s been really hard for them to have a healthy relationship when most of the time they are 90 miles away from each other. Yes, I know it’s not that great a distancia and once in a while she can resort to our poor Internet conexión to communicate with him. Besides, he is a web diseñador, so he makes the kind of money that is required to visit her frecuentemente. Otherwise, they would have ended the relationship a long time ago. I would have bet that Carol is not the type of girl who could stand distancia. So there they are, trying to cope with this situación.
Whenever he has the money and the time, he comes to Cuba and they spend the weekend in some fancy hotel. Last time they saw each other he proposed to her. She hasn’t made up her mind yet. A marriage proposal is not as simple as: two people love each other and want to spend their lives together. The truth is that they have never shared a place. They don’t know if they are going to get along once they have responsabilidades at both work and home. And there are other factores determinantes. If she decides to marry him and start the proceso of reunificación familiar in order to get a visa for the U.S., she must quit her job and she won’t be able to work as a doctora anymore in our country and it could be years before she can move away. I know, política is harsh sometimes.
Carol really loves her job. She is very passionate about it. She spends countless horas in that hospital because she likes to save people. She is always reading bibliografía especializada related to medicina so that she is continually up-to-date on the latest medical developments. So imagine someone like this being unable to do what she likes.
Jess is not dating anyone right now. Most of the time, she is pretty reservada and she rarely opens up about her feelings. I believe she is still afectada by her first relationship. It was really shocking for her to realize that all her planes were thrown away in just the blink of an eye. Obviamente she didn’t see that coming. But that is life, so amazingly impredecible that we cannot always controlar what happens around us. Albert Einstein said once that “life is like riding a bicicleta, in order to keep your balance you must keep moving.” So let us help you move, Jess!
Liz is not involved in any relationship at the moment. She’s been this way forever. I don’t remember the last time I saw her holding hands with someone on the street. But naturally she has affairs from time to time. Is there something wrong with her? Will she be able to open up to love again? Perhaps… But for now just let her be.
* * *
I finally made up my mind and found a nice affordable place to live. It’s been a few months and business is not going badly. In the morning I go to work. And in the afternoon, I teach English at home. I have a grupo of five estudiantes who are really eager to learn the language and somehow I’m motivada by this experiencia. I’m aware I’m not making big money but it’s enough to pay the renta and buy some food. My parents didn’t agree with my decisión at first because just like my girlfriends predicted, my boyfriend didn’t move in with me. He comes to see me almost every day but I don’t have the kind of económico and emocional support I need. I feel that our relationship is lacking something. Anyway, here I am, struggling to find a balance between what we both want.
Working in the Centro de Convenciones has been quite an experiencia. I really like the place and everyone around me is kind. I’ve been involved in many eventos internacionales that are carried out in the institución. Therefore, though I don’t earn much money while working for the gobierno, I enjoy what I do and I gain more practical experiencia in this field. And if someday I get the chance to live abroad I will be preparada to work as a traductora.
Carol is still confused about quitting her job. “What would you do if you were me?” – she asks relentlessly, seeking everyone’s opiniones when she already knows the answer. Of course, she has more posibilidades to thrive in the U.S. as a doctor because here salarios are embarrassing compared to other countries. But then there’s her familia, friends, all the people she’s leaving behind. Decisions are always hard to make and they usually have far-reaching implicaciones.
Tony still lives with his mom. He works as an English teacher at the universidad of Camaguey and he also tutors estudiantes at home. On weekends, his lovely child, whom I adore, comes to visit him. So most of the time he is busy and I am understanding enough to realize that children require a lot atención and love. He’s always been a great father. That I’m sure, and that’s exactly one of the things that made me fall for him in the first place. He is also pretty smart and he’s got a lot of technological savvy. His brother studied computer science in Havana city and has taught him a lot. So I can say they are both computer wizards. He’s been involved for months in this nonstop search for job offers abroad because he has always wanted to leave our country. And somehow I understand him. Today, most Cuban people, especialmente the young, are looking forward to travelling and settling in a country where there are better oportunidades for them and their familias. But it’s hard for me to know that I’m not part of his life proyecto. So “what am I doing with a guy like this? I have plenty of virtues.” I keep repeating to myself while I’m trying to have a real conversación with my brain without my heart interrupting us. “Look at you, Pat, you obviously deserve better,” my girlfriends tell me time and again. But it seems I can’t find the strength to end the whole thing. I’m not afraid of being alone, that I’m sure. I’m just in love. And from time to time, I get to hear his impredecible “I love you,” which takes me by sorpresa and changes my mind once again.
Today I wake up feeling strange. For days I’ve felt this swelling under my armpit. At first, I thought I was getting fat but my neck is now swollen too. My madre is worried so we went naively to see my uncle who is a doctor. His reaction got on my mom’s nerves. Obviamente, my uncle wasn’t kidding. The next day I went to the hospital and they ran several medical tests. I stayed there for a week. Everyone in my familia was concerned about my health. I didn’t realize how serious the situación was until my uncle told me they have to perform a biopsia. Everybody came to see me in the hospital that day: my boyfriend, girlfriends, familia, neighbors, coworkers, old high school acquaintances. It was kind of rewarding knowing that a lot of people care about me. The cirugía went well but I still don’t get what I’m going through. I may clearly have something bad. The atmosphere is really tense and despite the usual smile on my face, I begin to feel frightened. Tony has been very supportive these days. I believe he really cares about me. He has come to the hospital every night to see me and I’m pretty sure he’s done some research. But he doesn’t want to talk about it. He just keeps showing this rarely genuine afecto for me. So “what is happening to me? Am I this sick?” The test results will be available in a month or so. I’m quite desesperada right now. I just heard some medical students talking about something called linfoma in the hospital.’’ What is that?’’ I have to find out pretty soon.
Life is like a roller coaster indeed. One day you are enjoying the ride and the next you are screaming. But I remember somebody telling me once that we have to embrace the storms in our life and learn to dance in the rain. I just feel sorry for my parents, my beautiful sister, my familia, friends, boyfriend, and all the people I love. The next few months are going to be really hard. My mom can’t stop crying and wishing this never happened. But I know she’s strong enough to handle the situación. I am too. I come from a familia of fighters so I’m not going to give up so easily. I’m just 25 years old, for God’s sake. There’s a long road ahead of me. So I’m going to keep riding my bicicleta and enjoying every minuto of the whole trip. Don’t you think?