Inestabilidad in Interpersonal Relationships – Chile (Part 50)

Transposing emblem by Karin Kutscher

Until you’re happy again.

Oh hey. This is about Chile because it has happened to me in Chile and to lots of people that I know, of which all are here in Chile. So yeah.

You are in a relationship. You have found somebody and somebody has found you. You look at each other and communicate. Then you separate for the day, and you don’t really know when you will see each other again. Events may pop up; familia and friends make unexpected requests for the presence of either of you that cannot be easily dismissed. One of you feels the need for the company of amigos or amigas. You and the other person make allowances; everything is food for meditation.

Vinicunca, Peru – Rainbow Mountain

Spells of euphoria give way to spans of separation, when your exhaustion and momentary lack of self-realization spawn misgivings, again. And the cycle repeats itself. After consulting with friends, after meditation, you just conclude that you are 2 different ppl, and that elders in your family sometimes give good advice or have good insights, and that insight from close amigas is also very valid; and that not so close amigas will probably be swept away by the restructuring of relationships that have operated in your lives.

Machu Picchu, Peru

Our “loved one” has COMMITMENTS other than us such as children from a previous relationship. Our “loved one” has neuroses of his own. We notice that especially when we drink together. Worse, after drinking we find out that we’ve forgotten the so special piece of information that he gave us concerning his past whereabouts, his ex, his CV, whatever. What a shame, we will have to ask again….

Communicación is not always good. Sometimes boredom sets in. Sometimes suspicion of being not appreciated enough, of being (oh yes) too good for him, of being used, of giving too much of ourselves for too little of him, and so on. And so on…. Oh how much extra effort on the brain. Everything is meditation, yes, but being in a relationship is the ultimate devotional tantric meditation available to us, the common people. How much of a mirror of ourselves is THE OTHER. Our partner-to-be. Our actual partner. Our soon-to-be-ex. Our new partner-to-be. In him we will project and see all of our own shortcomings, immaturity, manias, depression, and weaknesses of character. Just the same as we will receive from him all the encouragement that we need for our real careers, all the affection in an embrace, and all the attention as we speak… Sometimes we will wait to see him for an entire weekend, but he will prefer to work extra hours or to be with his offspring.

Maras, Peru – Salt ponds

And then….

We live hanging from our cell phones, waiting for the next whatsapp message to make our next move.
We plan in the caves of our brains hideous revenge, hurtful phrases to hurl at the formerly so much appreciated person, we plan on cheating on them at the very first opportunity (that we may also seek out) with that attractive person who had made advances on us some time before, or else with whoever we may find.
And we change the lock on the door.
And we start scouring the dating websites.

And….

Still, if only he would call again.

Agua Calientes, Peru – Inca face statue

But aren’t we losing our (previous) freedom? That freedom that we had to sleep with others, to come and go from home (the meeting place) as we damn pleased? Aren’t we held captive, in submission, under his tiranía? Aren’t we.

Oh and then (this is typical) go out and seek Professional Advice. Heheh. At USD 60 an hour, we’ll see a “professional” Tarot reader or Family Constellations consultant. And then head out to the bar in search of company in misery, or at least a good chat (depending on whether you have fallen in love or not [yet]).

Cynicism will take us nowhere. You know. Self-pity is despicable and wholly useless. In every circumstance of l-if-e. Oh and consumption. No way. But other roads will do. Meditation, self-control, are the easy way.
Going out of your door on an adventure, cell phone left at home, talking to ppl at random at used book galleries; to store owners, street musicians, and beggars – that will do you so much good. Drink tons of coffee beforehand, to the point where your hands start trembling. Bring your business cards with you and distribute them liberally.

Lima, Peru – People

Also: seek out your old friends, meet up with them. Ask them unexpected stuff. Start businesses together. Stage a play of your own creation, for example about your lives. Become a painter. You’ve always wanted to paint. That will take you out of your head. My own creations are here. Recently I had my first exhibition at a local gallery. Become a fiction writer. Do the stuff that’s difficult for you. Creating characters? Fleshing out your plot? Concentrate on that. You’ve always wanted to become a writer, too! 🙂

And if he still is not communicating, well, find someone new. That’s all there is to it. Really.
Recently I bought a nice bedspread, only bc I liked the Celtic drawings on it. A couple of months later I noticed that it also contained big lettered phrases:

Lima, Peru – People 1

LEARN FROM THE PAST CREATE THE FUTURE

We do change. We do evolve. We really can learn. Memory is key. Honesty with what we are, want, and have previously achieved, is also crucial.
You may be very emotional, have trouble expressing your feelings, and be very prone to tears or something close to tears when you try to do that (and, as feedback, he may express annoyance, as if something were not quite right; he may fall into response traps, preset attitudes such as withdrawal, or non-acceptance of some sort); but no worries, the next time may be different. And if it’s not, at least you will have expressed yourself, which must be done. In person, which is how it should preferably be. In second place is a phone call, and then the last option is the written media: chat first, then email, then… a letter!