I began looking for love in my early twenties. I knew that once I found it, it would be wonderful, eternal and that I would finally be happy. I could not wait to find my soulmate and I truly believed Torrance was the one. I loved everything about him. How he would look at me when we went out, how he wanted to know my friends and my family. He was so interested in knowing every aspect of me and liking it that I could not believe it was real.
Torrance and I became one really quick. Sometimes I would feel a bit frightened, but I just liked him so much and he made me feel very special, so I eventually told Mica about him and we got into a huge argument. Things weren´t the same after that. How could she not see how happy I was? I never understood why she wanted me to break things off with Torrance and give up the only chance of being truly happy. To be honest, I think she was jealous.
Later, I told James too, he nodded his head in acknowledgment, and that was it.
On June 23, we finally moved in together. I was so happy! My family and my friends liked him, and they could see how we complemented each other.
After a few months I noticed he changed a little bit. He was so worried about work!
I remember one time, coming back home after having dinner with friends:
“Where were you? I got home from work and you weren´t here,” he said, drilling a hole in my eyes with his look, as if trying to enter my head.
“Oh, honey! I am sorry! We decided to go for dinner right after work, didn´t even have time to change clothes. I am so sorry,” I replied.
“I don´t think you should wear that to work, nobody is going to take you seriously. Unless, that´s what you want. What is it, you have a crush on one of your co-workers? Who is he?! Tell me, puta! Do you think I don´t notice you putting on perfume every morning? Where do you do it, huh? Tell me, or I´ll kill you!” He was yelling at me, hitting the chairs and everything he could find on his way to me. I was frightened, I had never seen him like that before.
“No, honey, no! I haven´t done anything! I love you, you, and no one else! I just… I was hungry and they were going to grab some dinner, so I went. But I love you, please, believe me.” He was grabbing my wrists so hard, and I couldn’t hold my tears. How could he believe that? How could I make him understand that he was my life? “I won´t wear these clothes anymore! I swear. They are not even my friends! Please, please forgive me.”
He finally started to let go of my wrists. He was looking at me like he was trying to gauge if I was telling the truth. For a second there, I thought I saw something. His eyes turned a shade darker and his pupils somehow grew larger. It was just a nanosecond, and then he started to cry. I was still shaken, and I didn´t know what to do.
“I am sorry, baby, I am so sorry! What have I done! Please, forgive me!” He said with his voice cracking. He went down on his knees and started bawling, tears running down his face in shame. “I just missed you so much, I thought something had happened to you, and then I began thinking that you were with someone else, and I felt dead inside.” I was in shock. I couldn´t believe that he was feeling what I had always feared before. I had finally found someone who feared losing… ME!
“It´s alright, babe. It´s alright” I said as I went and kneeled next to him. He couldn’t even look at me. I hugged him and started crying again. “You can´t do this anymore, I was really scared. I thought you might… hit me or something, you know?” I said to him, quietly.
“No, baby, no. I would never hit you. I know I was a little aggressive, but I would never hurt you. I would rather die!” He was hugging me so hard that I didn´t want to let go. I could hear him sobbing, in regret. I looked at the bruises that were forming on my wrists, but I looked away. I decided to let it go. I could see that he was truly sorry for what he´d done. And he loved me, he loved me so much and, after all, it was me who pushed him to do this. Had I stayed home it wouldn’t have happened. How would I feel if I thought I were losing him? I did not even want to consider that option because it upset me so much.
Things were great after that, actually. He tried, he was attentive, and romantic, and would go out with me to family gatherings and outings with friends.
I am not stupid; I know what you are thinking. I can´t see you but I know how it all sounds. But it wasn´t like that. Not at all. I am well-educated and independent, and those things wouldn’t happen to me. I loved him and I knew he genuinely loved me. You don´t understand either, nobody does.
Despite Isa and Mica´s demands, I never introduced them. I know that Mica would instantly hate him, and Isa would probably judge us both. I did not need their negativity in my life, and if they could not see how happy he made me, I did not want to share my joy with them.
(…to be continued…)
In the Middle – An International Transposition (Fiction)
Introduction to In the Middle – An International Transposition, edited by Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey
January: Forgetting – Turkey, by Seyit Ali Dastan
February: The Unreal in Real – Armenia, by Armine Asryan
March: Catching Water – Argentina, by Javier Gómez
April: Unwanted – South Africa, by Toni Wallis
May: House with a Stucco Ship – Ukraine, by Gennady Bondarenko
June: A Girl Pedaling – Cuba, by Marilin Guerrero Casas
July: The Last Day – Poland, by Pawel Awdejuk
August: Through my Hands – Venezuela, by Veronica Cordido
September: Amelia’s Euphemism – Spain, by Jonay Quintero Hernández
October: Until Love Do Us Part – Uruguay, by Alejandra Baccino
November: A Journey to the Edge – Lebanon, by Rayan Harake
December: I Used to Smoke – Russia, by Kate Korneeva
Background – Context
Peripatetic Alterity: A Philosophical Treatise on the Spectrum of Being – Romantics and Pragmatists by Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)
La Syncrétion of Polarization and Extremes Transposée, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)
The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2018)
L’anthologie of Global Instability Transpuesta, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2017)
From Wahnsinnig to the Loony Bin: German and Russian Stories Transposed to Modern-day America, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2013)
More work by Alejandra Baccino
Adventure – Alejandra Baccino
Polarization within Ourselves – Alejandra Baccino
Emblems and stories on the international community
Perception by country – Transposing emblems, articles, short stories and reports from around the world
Cover photo: Montevideo, Uruguay – In traffic – Chris Slupski (Shutterstock)
Source: The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed