by Marilin Guerrero Casas

At first, I was terrified of telling Jim about my disease. That is just something I will learn how to deal with over time. To my sorpresa, he already knew almost everything about me. So when did you do the research, boy? I was an objecto de investigación and I hadn’t even noticed. The truth is that I had already done my research too. Who hasn’t? When you start seeing someone you really like, that’s the first assignment in your detective work. Thus, Jim and I began to talk about death like something natural because, indeed, it is. Today you’re alive, but you don’t know about tomorrow. And whether you are sick or not, you can die anyway anytime. The key is supervivencia. So, for the time being, trying to enjoy life to the full should be every person’s filosofía.

Jim had experienced the death of a very close relative when he was young enough to realize how painful and disruptive the evento could be. His grandfather had been his role modelo for a long time and saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest momentos for Jim to cope with when he was still a boy. Now, he tells historias about his grandpa and always remembers him with affection and love. As for me, I was just a bebé when I lost three of my grandparents and though I have plenty of old family pictures, I can barely recall what they were like. I guess I wasn’t lucky enough to share any tiempo with them and somehow I feel bad about it.

Jim was a gentleman, always had nice, exceptional gestos towards me. He wasn’t the kind of guy with a flower bouquet and a romántica card but he managed perfectamente to surprise me in so many other ways I never expected. The fact is that we don’t always need the words to feel the poesía. A few weeks after we started dating, he already knew what he wanted: to live together. Of course, the one who wasn’t sure was me, but I had this cute guy offering me the kind of seguridad económica y emocional I hadn’t experienced before in any of my relaciones pasadas and I had longed for since I was 20 years old. What I was afraid of I didn’t know. Maybe it was the short time we had known each other and spent together. But now I actually had the chance to start a relación transparente y genuina: one without lies, mother-spoiled hábitos or planes futuros that didn’t include me. This time I was in the plan maybe because Jim was an arquitecto and he knows so much about diseño. That may be just silly, but what I know for sure is that I felt awesomely good helping him draw the líneas.

Liz and Jim knew each other from college. They had both estudiado the same major, so I had some referencia to tell me more about him, but I already knew a lot. Jim was still married to another girl he had spent the last five years with. Of course, he was no longer in love, and they had split up a long time before I met him. However, there’s always some parte of you that changes every time you end a relación. Perhaps that is why he is sometimes a bit jealous and dominante and even distrustful. But nobody is perfecto and over time I will learn to love his flaws.

What I didn’t like at first was the idea of Jim being married to another girl while he was involved in a relación seria with me. After they broke up, they never got divorced because it was a kind of insurance policy for Jim to leave the country. The girl’s father was living abroad and as long as they were married, they could both get the required papeles to travel as a couple. It is unbelievable what cubanos are somehow forced to do in order to get a visa for the U.S. or any otra nación. Anyway, I wasn’t comfortable with the situación at all. At that time, I was trying to picture my near futuro with somebody, and I couldn’t see myself in it. Was I making a mistake by letting Jim get into my heart this way if there was no posibilidad between us? Would it be selfish to tell him not to go? I wasn’t brave enough to stop him from doing something that might be a great oportunidad for him. Los arquitectos are well paid everywhere in the world, and Jim was a very talentoso one. Afortunadamente, I never was in the posición to ask the question. They happened to get divorced a few weeks after Jim and I began to call ourselves a couple. I didn’t know if it was fate or the law of atracción acting in my favor. The truth was that I wasn’t realmente preparada to get the answer nor experience another cold season. It was too soon for me.

Initially, my friends didn’t think it was a good idea for us to live together. They thought it was better to wait until Jim and I saw if things worked out between us the way we wanted to. I wasn’t sure either, but I believe that it is something couples have to figure out for themselves. Of course, my girlfriends had the right to juzgar. They have always been there for me, and every time one of us breaks down, we have provided each other with support and compañía. But it’s kind of a relief to know that your friends will respetarán your decisiones and love you no matter what.

Being a kid is something epic: no worries, no doubts, no important issues to reflect on, no health problemas, no love matters. But being an adulto can be so much more interesante, especialmente if you have familia and friends by your side who incondicionalmente care about you and, of course, someone amazingly extraordinario you can love and be yourself with. Winters can be hard. Some of us think of them as the worst seasons of all but they are so much more bearable when you are looking forward to spring. So, keep holding on. Life is so much better when you don’t easily give up, when you fight strongly for what you believe in. And I believe in hope.

2021: Conceived – Volume 2 of a Contemporary Transadaptation 

January: The Pack – Alejandra Baccino (Uruguay)

February: The Pink Shirt – Talia Stotts (America)

March: Dragging the Past out into the Light – Kate Korneeva (Russia)

April: Looking Forward to Spring – Marilin Guerrero Casas (Cuba)

May: Every Little Thing – Gennady Bondarenko (Ukraine)

June: The Girl Who Chased the Rainbow – Toni Wallis (Sarah-Leah Pimentel) (South Africa)

July: Another World – Jonay Quintero Hernandez (Spain)

August: Life after Nare – Nane Sevunts (Armine Asryan) (Armenia)

September: Meeting My Homeland – Rayan Harake (Lebanon)

October: Catching Water (Part Two) – Javier Gomez (Argentina)

November: Remember – Seyit Ali Dastan (Turkey)

December: I Can’t Breathe – Veronica Cordido (Venezuela)

Background – Context

In the Middle – Prelude to a Contemporary Transadaptation, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2020)

Peripatetic Alterity: A Philosophical Treatise on the Spectrum of Being – Romantics and Pragmatists by Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)

La Syncrétion of Polarization and Extremes Transposée, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2019)

The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2018)

L’anthologie of Global Instability Transpuesta, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2017)

From Wahnsinnig to the Loony Bin: German and Russian Stories Transposed to Modern-day America, (eds.) Angelika Friedrich, Yuri Smirnov and Henry Whittlesey (2013)

Emblems and stories on the international community

Perception by country – Transposing emblems, articles, short stories and reports from around the world


Cover photo: Santiago, Cuba – At the bus stop – Yandry (Shuttestock)
Source: The Codex of Uncertainty Transposed

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.